I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
