Pants 0. Shit 1.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
a search helicopter?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He shit in the fireplace
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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