Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
