Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
