This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
