Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
