My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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