my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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