and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
