I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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