I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
where does the pee come out of this thing
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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