Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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