i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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