so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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