He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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