He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
