she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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