mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
