the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
