Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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