Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
