I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
