I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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