This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
