I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize