im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
