If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
