Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
