i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
