We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
