I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
