I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
