I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
