my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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