M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
