How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
