I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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