Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
