great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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