Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
