I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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