I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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