Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
