she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
