I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
