Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
