Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
