what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
