You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
