If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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