Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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