People in love make me want to vomit
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
