At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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