careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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