Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
