Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
