found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
