i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
