they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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