do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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