how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
