apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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